Introduction to an OU Cheerleader
Hello, my name is Christina Schutz and I am currently a junior at the University of Oklahoma. I am majoring in Health and Exercise Science with the hopes of going to PA school after graduation. One of my short term goals is to get a job this semester that is dealing with the medical field in order to increase my number of hours of experience because I will be applying to PA school this summer. I am looking forward to this semester even though I know it will be a hard one because I am taking O-Chem and Genetics. However, I am excited to learn about these subjects. I am a cheerleader here at the University of Oklahoma on the all-girl team. I mention this because I spend a lot of my time at cheer practice as well as cheering at events such as football, basketball, gymnastics, volleyball, and others. Over Christmas break, my team and I stayed in Norman to practice for nationals which took place this past weekend in Orlando, Florida. Although staying in Norman over the break and having prac
Christina,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this story! It reminded me of Finding Nemo's turtles.. Haha! I love that Gudwall and the turtles came together to build a seashell wall and save the day from the waves. I think a way you could improve this story even more is to go into detail about the turtles coming together in order to do this. It is inferred that they all work together, but you could add some fun dialogue to the story to really make readers connect with the turtles and their mission to fix this problem. All around, great job! The color of your site also goes hand in hand with your first turtle story. You could post different, individualized pictures to each story page to give readers an insight on what the story will be about before reading. I look forward to seeing what else you do this semester!!
Christina,
ReplyDeleteI love the title of your project! Telling the stories of people whose stories are untold is a vital component of social justice and ensuring a society where all stories are respected.
With regard to "Turtles", I love the idea of the animals coming to help! I'm not sure where you plan to go from here, but you might consider further turtle interactions. I also appreciate the imagery... both the photo and your depiction of the green palm-trees and stark blue water help give a bit of life to the image you're painting for the reader. This reading also inspired a number of questions for me that I think you could use to guide further storytelling... How did they (the turtles) know that Saint Gudwall loved animals? How did they communicate among themselves? How did they gain the knowledge of impeccable wall-building technique? I'd also be interested to explore the origin of Saint Gudwall more... what makes him a Saint? Where do his powers to bestow blessings on animals come from?
Hi Christina!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story with the turtles! Its a great example of how animals can help save humans as well as it explains how turtles came to be. I really liked the description of the scenery and how the summers and winters are starkly contrasted. I do wonder how the turtles knew the people were in danger. And then, how did all the turtles in the ocean know what to do? This could be a great place to expand the dialogue of the story and provide some great insight into the minds of the animals helping the humans. Lastly, who is Saint Gudwall? He appears to be the leader of the group. Is that due to his title or something else? Was he the reason the turtles knew what to do and how to do it? What if you explained his back story a bit to provide more context? I thought the choice of picture was great as it cued me directly towards the direction of the story. I hope this feedback was useful and look forward to reading more from your portfolio!
Hey Christina!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story! You really showed why Saint wanted to live in this cave and the dangers that could be presented by doing so. There's such a contrast between winter and summer and that really enhances the story. I like when you mention him and the pupils were distraught because even though they knew of this extreme weather, they really thought this place would provide them a safe shelter and it didn't; they definitely weren't expecting it! I like how you mention the teamwork it took to build the wall between the ocean and the cave because there's a bigger meaning behind it, the harder you work together, the faster it get's done and better the result. I think the only thing that wonders me is how the turtles knew to help? Did Saint call for them? And if he did, how did he do so? I really liked reading this piece, nice job!
Hi Christina! I really enjoyed your story. I always wondered how and why turtles had shells on their backs and now it makes complete sense! It shows that animals can really help us humans out and makes me think that we should be doing more to help them out. Rather than destroying their environments we ought to be saving it. Anyway back to your story. I have not read the original so I don’t know who Saint Gudwall is so I am wondering what he did for the animals to love him. I think it would be great to add some talk between the turtles and Saint Gudwall and his pupils. These interactions would add greatly to the story and provide some insight to why the turtles like Saint Gudwall so much that they are willing to all come up and build a wall for him. I liked you story and look forward to reading the next!
ReplyDeleteHi Christina!
ReplyDeleteI found your story to be so cute while I was reading it. I liked how you changed the story to have turtles save Saint Gudwall, and that you made this to be how turtles had their shells on their backs. I haven't read the original story of Saint Gudwall, but I feel you gave enough background in your author's notes. I liked that you incorporated the turtle part, since he was a lover of animals. I guess a suggestion that you could to to improve your story could be some dialogue between the turtles and saint Gudwall, but overall I really enjoyed your story! Great job
Before anything else: I love this comment wall image. It is incredible and I love it very much.
ReplyDeleteAhem.
The title of your project had me curious from the first glance. It makes me think that your stories are going to add unique twists on stories, and so far I'm not really disappointed.
Your story about Saint Gudwall and the Turtles took an interesting tale about Saint Gudwall and his people being saved by fish, and twisted it into an origin story for turtles! Even without drastically changing the tale, you managed to completely change the message and theme of the story. I really like how you managed to do this so subtly - it really inspires me to try to do something similar with my stories.
Your website looks simple, which I do not mean in a bad way. Simplicity has its own charms, and there's nothing wrong with making it easy for people to take in. I do think that adding some sort of pattern or header panel to each page, similar to the banner on your home page, could be nice. It would solidify the 'theme' of the website, and make the pages feel connected.
Hey Christina. I love the color and pattern in the image you chose for your homepage. I am guessing you chose the portfolio route, because there is not introduction. I am excited to read your stories in the future. I like reading the portfolio projects. Usually the stories differ from one another greatly. There is a sentence that needs a comma after “As they reached the top of the cave.” I enjoyed the idea of your story, but I had trouble staying interested in some parts. I liked that the story was about turtles. I have a turtle at my parent’s house. It is honestly why I chose your portfolio as my third free choice. Your story was creative and well written. I would like to read the original story after reading yours. It sounds like it would be unique because it has fish building a wall. In both stories, I like how they work together to solve the problem.
ReplyDeleteHi Christina,
ReplyDeleteI like the geometric pattern that you used on the Home page! It's very peaceful.
Overall, I like the cadence and message of your story. You do an excellent job with imagery to describe the setting of your story.
There were a few grammatical things I noticed:
In the first paragraph you switch between present and past tenses of the verbs. It would help the flow of the story if you chose one tense and stuck with it.
Who is "everyone" when you use that word in the first paragraph?
I think the idea that St. Gudwall is a lover of animals is central to the plot of this story, and should be introduced earlier.
Also, an ellipsis is typically three dots.
I look forward to reading the rest of the stories in your portfolio. You have given yourself a really open theme that can allow for a lot of diversity within your portfolio.
Christina,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story. You did a very good job at setting the scene with a lot of well written descriptions that really placed the reader into the story and made them feel as though they were living it as you were telling it. I also like how well you wrote in the confusion as the turtles started to make the wall. Sometimes, in stories, the characters will take ridiculous things in stride simply because the story needs them too. I like that you defied this notion and allowed your characters to question what was happening around them. I am very interested in reading more of your stories as the semester progresses, good luck!
Christina,
ReplyDeleteI read your most recent story this week about The Monkey and Girl in the Fire. Nice job! The first thing that I noticed right off the bat when reading it was that you word usage was very informal. This would work if your story was meant to be humorous or from a particular character's point of view, but because your story is pretty serious and told from a narrator's point of view it didn't really flow well for me. A good example is your first sentence- " Once upon a time there was this town" and "the people planted a bunch of crops". I think if you were to use phrases such as "a town" and "many crops" it would really improve the read of your story. I really liked the ending and how you made it happy and even a little creepy. I was left with the impression that the girl and the monkey were living happily ever after instead of being burned to death in the original. Great work!
Hi Christina!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story with the turtles! Its a great example of how animals can help save humans as well as it explains how turtles came to be. I really liked the description of the scenery and how the summers and winters are starkly contrasted. I do wonder how the turtles knew the people were in danger. And then, how did all the turtles in the ocean know what to do? This could be a great place to expand the dialogue of the story and provide some great insight into the minds of the animals helping the humans. Lastly, who is Saint Gudwall? He appears to be the leader of the group. Is that due to his title or something else? Was he the reason the turtles knew what to do and how to do it? What if you explained his back story a bit to provide more context? I thought the choice of picture was great as it cued me directly towards the direction of the story. I hope this feedback was useful and look forward to reading more from your portfolio!
Hello Christina!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful story about the monkey and the girl! I admire the way you retold the story to include a happier ending. Your way of writing about the setting is very helpful in terms of helping readers imagine exactly what you are describing.
In terms of feed forward, it might be beneficial to proofread your story to double check on placement of commas and other grammatical elements. For example, I noticed how in the second paragraph when you introduced Henry, you did not include commas like how you did in the next paragraph, which told us about the girl, named Jenny. It is important to keep the grammatical flow of your story consistent. Also, I think including more information in the author's note would help readers understand the purpose of your project more. You could explain your motivation behind writing the story or how the monkey story is similar to the previous one about turtles. Just suggestions... overall, I think your stories are incredibly creative and enjoyable for readers.
I love your writing! You have a very nice style that is easy to read, but also keeps us interested in the stores. I love how you introduced turtles in your second story. I am a huge fan of sea turtles so I get super excited when I find them in folktales. I also think the turtles helping made more sense than the fish in the original.
ReplyDeleteReading through your stories, I can tell you definitely have talent in writing some creative stories. Just be careful to watch your grammar, especially comma placement. It can really change or confuse the meaning of a sentence just by one misplaced comma. Your stories have amazing potential, so I want to make sure they have every chance at being the perfect pieces you can write. I hope that I can read more of your work as the semester goes along. Keep up the great work!
Hello Christina! To start off I would like to comment on how well your portfolio is set up. It is very easy to navigate with the tabs however I think you could maybe do a slight description of what each story entails on the home page. I really enjoyed the images you used for both Monkeys and Turtles as they were very clear and perfect for the situation in the story.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of you writing you did a great job with plots as far as I can tell because I haven’t read either of your stories, but the Author’s note seems very clear how you made changes as well as did a good job of keeping to the roots of the original stories. I think that for some advice you might want to slow down on your proofreading and maybe read it out loud because you miss a couple commas and what not that can make the sentences seem longer than they should be. Overall I think you are doing a great job!!
Hello Christina,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I think that the overall layout and design of your portfolio is really good. It really got my attention and made. I also like the background you have on your home page. It reminds of a kaleidoscope!!. Also, I really enjoyed the pictures that you used on each of your stories. They went perfect with the each one.
Onto your stories. I think they are written very well and very descriptive. I actually haven't read these stories but your authors note was very helpful and I was able to follow the plot nicely. The only suggestion I have is to maybe add some dialogue if possible to the stories (if it applies of course). I always like dialogue and i think it helps the reader identify with characters. Overall I think your portfolio is very strong and exciting to read. I am looking forward to seeing how it progresses through the end of the semester.
Hey Christina! I've already read your story, "Turtles" and really enjoyed it so I was really excited to read your second story, "Monkeys." The thought of this girl wanting to marry the monkey makes me giggle! I'm glad you decided to give this story a happier ending because I can only imagine what the ending was before! The middle seems a little aggressive so I'm glad the two end up together. This story is actually very uplifting because it shows that if you're meant to be with the one you love, nothing will stop you. You could always add a little more detail about how heartbroken Jenny was when she found out what the dad was going to do or when they lit the fire. That could really add to the dramatic effect of the overall story. Good job and keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Christina! Thank you for sharing your story with us. I thought the imagery you created was outstanding in the way you made the characters come to life so well. I enjoyed the way you wrote the plot so smoothly and ended with a happy ending, as well as provided adversity throughout the story to lead up to the ending. It was also a super encouraging story to read with the way the moral of the story played out so well. I enjoyed how intentionally you set up the scene and transitioned from location to location. Thank you again for sharing! I look forward to reading more from you.
ReplyDelete(making another comment because the last post was too short) I also thought you did really well making sure the theme was announced before the story, during the story, and near the end. I definitely think you have the skill as a writer to keep the reader hooked and also cleared many details up and there were few spaces in between.
ReplyDeleteChristina,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I have a golden doodle and no clue what I am doing ever so your comment wall picture is the best thing I have ever seen! I am crossing over from the indian epics class, but loved your stories. You did a great job finding photos that fit the story and were also beautiful. I really like the animal theme you have throughout the stories. My favorite was Turtles, probably because they are one of my favorite animals so I am a little partial. One suggestion that I have is that it would be cool to see you spice up the titles some. The one-word titles do not give much about the storyline away nor do they draw the reader in, but the stories themselves look great. Overall, I really enjoyed your portfolio and cannot wait to read your last story of the semester! Great job so far!
Hey Christina! Your site was designed very well! I like the simple layout and the color choice was very good. The images you used was also amazing and a good choice for the stories you have written. I really enjoyed the stories that you have written! The imagery that you have created was amazing and the it really made the story vivid. Since i am from the Indian Epics class, i haven't read the original versions but your authors note made it super easy to understand. For feedback, maybe if you proofread more carefully next time, it could help out with the flow of the story. Overall, no big complaints and i think you did very well! Keep up the good work and i will look forward to reading more stories from you!
ReplyDeleteHi Christina! This is my first time reading your storybook or portfolio. The first story was so cute! I have always thought that flying squirrels were super cute. I appreciate that this is a little tale of how they came to be, sprouted out of the acceptance by the birds and rejection by the animals. Even after the game, however, the birds and animals ended up living together in peace. I like it! The only problem for me is that this story is in your portfolio twice! It shows on your home page and on your last page. Is this a mistake? I also appreciated that your second story is an origin story for how the sea turtles got their shell. They were so kind to help that man and his pupils that they were rewarded for their kindness. Is your portfolio a collection of stories that explain some phenomenon? That would be cool. Anyways, your stories are great. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteHey Christina! I think that the design of your site works really well with your content. the colors and vibe are really similar to that of your stories. I think that you could add some more pictures to really drive your visuals home, but they work great as they are now. I think that you could change the age titles as they are displayed in the menu, to have it match what your page titles on the actual page say. They seem to draw me in more than the one word display in the menu. The end of each page seems really similar, maybe even the same? the part after the flying monkey photo. I think that repetition brings the reader out to the story and is kind of confusing because your just like - wait, didn't I just read this? Am I on the other page? What just happened?
ReplyDeleteHey Christina, first of all, I really like the picture that you have for your comment wall. The dog is really funny and I can totally see how he has no idea what he is doing. Next, your blog is awesome! I love the animal titles and how each story pertains to a specific animal. One that I am not sure about is your home page and your first story have the exact same story with the wombat. Perhaps what could make your page a little bit more clear would be to organize the wombat story a little bit so that your page would be easier to navigate. Also maybe you could add a little bit in your author's notes about why you chose to make your page animal themed! That would be awesome. Anyways, thanks for sharing your story and I look forward to reading more of it!
ReplyDeleteHey Christina!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I have found my way back to your portfolio. I love the new additions that you have made since I first came through and read your work. You have really developed this project nicely. I can tell you have definitely put in a lot of work to make this look nice and be truly your own. You have done a great job at really developing your characters and your stories to a point that keeps the reader hooked and wanting to read more. I love that you made the theme of your stories animals. I love reading the myths and folktales with animals, because it's curious to see such innocent creatures in these situations. I hope I find your portfolio again before the end of the semester. Keep up the great work!